Monday, December 17, 2012

Trying to Find the Words

Tears streamed down my face as I tried to make sense of what I was hearing on the news. I quickly turned the TV off when my daughter walked into the room. I wanted to shield her from the news and heartbreak coming from Sandy Hook Elementary School. I knew she wouldn't understand and the news would only make it more terrifying in her eyes. I also wasn't ready to answer her questions. I couldn't even make sense of it myself.


Like many parents, my husband and I thought long and hard about how, when and if we would talk to our daughter about the tragedy that happened. We were quick to realize that she was sure to hear about it in her 4th grade class on Monday, so we made the tough decision to speak with her this morning.  We wanted her to hear the correct information from us first and to have our reassuring words in her mind and heart before she heard anything from her classmates. Trying to find the right words was quite difficult. We didn’t want to scare her, but we also didn’t want to omit information that she might hear from someone else that would scare her.  We chose our words carefully and answered the questions that she had. I doubt our conversation is over. I am sure she will have several questions when she gets home and in the days to come.  I find myself, like most parents, wondering how we answer these questions and make it make sense in her eyes and help her to feel safe.

I’ve come across several different websites and resources, but all had some similar suggestions. I thought I’d share some of them here for other parents who are also struggling to find the words.

The first question on every parent’s mind is, do I approach my child with the information first or do I wait to talk to them when they have questions?
There is no right answer to this question. It is up to you as parents to decide what is best for your child. Many experts are saying, if your child is old enough and may hear this information from others at school, it might warrant a conversation with your child first. Also, if your child is one who might become overwhelmed with this information, you also might want to share with them so you can also comfort them and help them to feel safe. If you do decide to speak with them, here are a few suggestions on how to approach this difficult conversation.

Turn the News Off – The news is made to inform adults, and is not age appropriate for children. The news will only make this situation scarier for children.

Make Room for the Conversation- crate a safe environment to hear their questions. First ask them what they’ve heard and don’t share too many unnecessary details. However, you will still need to make sure to answer all of the questions they might have in an age appropriate manor.

Help Your Children Feel Safe- Be calm before talking with children. You are their security and safety, and if they are seeing you struggle, they will feel less safe.  Let them know that others are helping to make sure they are safe. Let them know that they are safe at school and you would never let them go if it was unsafe. Spend some extra time together as a family with lots of love and hugs!

Let Your Child Feel Like They Can Help: Even as adults we feel the need to help in these situations. This may help your child to deal with this horrible tragedy. Let them decide how they would like to help others.  Write letters, cards or banners to send over to the people of Newtown. Pay it forward; choose a local kids charity or holiday charity to give to or think of some good deeds to pay forward. During tragic times like this it helps us all to see the good and helps us to heal.
If you would like to send something to the community of Newtown, feel free to drop it by one of our schools and we will be happy to send it for you.

Here are some great websites that offer recommendations for parents as to how to support children if they want to talk about what happened.


However your family plans to cope with this tragedy, there is no doubt it affects us all.  
If you are lucky enough to love a child, you cannot shield your heart from how much this hurts."
 -Savannah Guthrie on TODAY

Our hearts are with all of the families of Sandy Hook Elementary and the community of Newtown.
Please check our school Facebook pages this week for opportunities to reach out and donate to the families and victims of the Sandy Cook Elementary School shooting.

No comments:

Post a Comment